Isn't this awesome?

There is an obvious double awesome going on here.

First of all, the kid. Isn't he just amazing? He is so cute, and I love him so much. I am so excited to be a dad, and I'm so lucky that my baby is so wonderful.

Second of all, the shirt! Check it out. This is truly amazing gift-giving. My wonderful friend Kathy read my post about baby names and brought this outfit to us right away. Bonus points: the writing is in orange. If you're taking notes, this is the proper way to be a blog follower.

There is no way to truly thank someone for such a wonderful gift, the best I can do is to make sure that it is prominently featured on my blog.

I've introduced the world to Harrison August through my family blog, but I guess to make things formal: Blog, this is Harrison. Harrison, this is my blog, on which you will be featured often.

I'm a Real Blogger Now

It's official, I am a real-live authentic blogger. I'm not a wannabe anymore. Wanna know how I know? I'll tell you: Last night when I went out with some friends to a movie something annoyed me. The very first thought I had was: This is Sooooo going on my blog!

The story begins a little earlier at lunch. Elisha and I went to Burger King. I ordered a small drink. The drink that I received was the size of a Big Gulp (32 oz), definitely larger than what I wanted. Of course, I don't complain too much. Although I couldn't help thinking that this might be why the country is dealing with an obesity problem. I actually wanted a small drink with lunch, but I got, and drank, a giant massive one.

Last night, I went to a movie with some friends and family. Again I want a drink, and this time since I want it to last a couple of hours, I ordered a medium drink. As I'm paying for the stuff some kid hands me a tiny little cup (I'm guessing 12 oz, but maybe 16), claiming it is my medium drink. What is going on here?

The moral of the story: Fast food places are trying to make you fat. Movie places are trying to help you stay skinny.

Here's the real rant: At the movie I looked at three cup sizes and decided that I wanted the middle size one. I told the girl behind the counter I wanted the medium drink, thinking that the word medium would convey the meaning of "middle size." After the boy handed me the equivalent of the "free water" cup that I just paid 3 bucks for, I looked up at the menu. The sizes listed were medium, large, and extra-large. There wasn't even a small on the menu. In my way of thinking, there can't be a medium if there isn't a small. The medium becomes the small. I'm no language scholar, but I'm pretty sure that the word medium implies "middle" not "smallest." Oh, wait, I am a language scholar, and I'm right.

I understand that the place wanted to name their sizes differently so that they seem different than everyone else, but I don't care. If they want to name their sizes , why don't they name them (Coldstone Creamery is a good example of this, go eat there and find out.). They could call them Bertha, Matilda, and Bob. No one else has those names for their drink sizes. That way when I say "medium" the child behind the counter will be forced to assume I mean the middle one, or clarify, and say "You mean you want a Matilda."

About 2 minutes after I get done complaining about all of this to my brother, my uncle walks up pointing to his bag of popcorn and says that he should have been more clear. "I thought when I said extra-large, I was going to get the bucket."

Albus' First Birthday Party

We still haven't had our baby!!!!! The little bugger refuses to come out. We're actually pretty patient about it, we're just really anxious to see our son.

Many people have given us advice on how to get the labor started. Yeah, thanks for the advice, but there are just some things we are not willing to try, like Castor Oil. Especially not since our doctor admitted it might work, but practically pleaded with us not to do it since it can cause diarrhea. I guess he's had that experience before.

Most of my followers are already mothers, so there is no reason to list all the suggestions we've had, I'm sure you've heard them before. There are only two we are perfectly willing to try, the first, walking, hasn't worked so far. Sometimes she feels some pain by the time we come home, but it goes away as soon as she rests. The second suggestion, the thing that got us here in the first place, hasn't really had any effect either. I think it might have triggered the very first signs of labor a couple of weeks ago, but now it doesn't do anything.

Since nothing really seems to be working I came up with what I thought was a genius plan. I figure the most likely time for a child to be born would also be the most inconvenient. So we decided to have a birthday party for Albus. I figured if we invited 10 or 15 people over, if we had food cooking on the stove, and if we had cupcakes baking in the oven; he would show up and make us scramble to change our plans.

Well the party was a complete failure! It was really quite successful in terms of attendance and fun, but there was no labor, no water breaking, no baby. We played games, and ate food. But sadly the guest of honor was a utter no show. Annoyingly, I completely forgot to take any pictures so we have no record of our son's first birthday party.

Thanks to all those who came. We were really excited to spend time with friends. The party may not have achieved its goal, but it did provide Elisha and I with a last hoorah as children free newlyweds.

Meryl Streep is Messing with My World

Growing up, I wasn't too big on hating things. I'm really not that opinionated of a person, so it was extremely rare for me to feel very passionately about something. However, there were two things that I was passionate about, two things that I knew for sure:

I Hate Meryl Streep!

I Hate Julia Child!

(I hate the concept of these women, not the women themselves)

My brother would occasionally watch Julia Child's show on PBS, and I, being the younger, was forced to deal with it. The woman is insane. And it's not like my brother was cooking me any of the food she was showing. (He did cook for me, but not her stuff.)

I love movies, but as a kid I couldn't stand any movie with Meryl Streep in it. I always believed that the only reason people put her in movies is to try and make women cry. I especially hated that all she had to do was breathe and she would be nominated for an Oscar. People would often say that my mother looked like Meryl Streep, I thought they were insulting my mom.

With Julia I developed a reason for my hatred, but for Meryl, I just hated the idea of her. But somehow, all of that changed with The Devil Wears Prada. I loved that movie, and for the first time in my life I really wanted Meryl to be nominated, and win, an Academy Award. I don't know why, but ever since then I have taken an interest in Meryl's work. This change continued with Mamma Mia!, I really loved that movie, saw it twice in theatres. Don't get me wrong, most of the rest of her work still looks like the same stuff, but it looks worth watching now.

So, you may be asking yourself: "Jason, why are you wasting time posting about the two things you hate most in the world?"

My answer is obvious: "That's what blogs are for."

But really, the reason behind all this:

Meryl Streep is playing Julia Child in a movie!

Worse: It doesn't look like the best movie ever, but I would probably go see it. Nora Ephron is a good romantic comedy director, I really like Amy Adams, and, somehow, I like Meryl Streep. In the preview, it looks like she does an awesome job. She actually makes Julia Child look interesting.

What is wrong with me?

Mother's Day

I'm a lousy husband and son. I should have posted something on Mother's Day, about my wonderful wife, and my awesome mother. I should have taken a small amount of time that day to say that without these women my life wouldn't exist or be worth living; something about how important they are and how wonderful they will be as they welcome their first son and grandson, respectively, into the world.

I should have taken the time on Mother's Day to do something like that, but I decided my time would have been better spent with my wife, and on the phone with my mother instead of at the computer.

As far as how I feel about mothers. I think Elisha said it all via Mr. T.

I did get Elisha flowers and a card though.

Baby Names

Elisha and I are expecting our first child any day now. As such, we are expected to name this child. We are 99% sure of what the name is, but we won't share it until we meet our son, and there is good reason for this, I think. As I said this is our first child so we really don't know if these are good reasons or just the continuation of myths and rumors. The reasons:

• It could change. People say they loved the name they chose, and the second they saw their baby they knew it was wrong. I hope I'm not one of these people, but what if we are? I would hate for you all to go get us embroidered bibs with the name "Albus Dumbledore Jones*" on them just to have us change the name later.
  
• You might steal it! Luckily there is less than two weeks of waiting left, hopefully, but you might tell your sister who tells her neighbor, who names her baby "Albus," and then our child is forever known as the other "Albus." Worse, you might have puppies, and I don't want my child to ask me why your dog shares his name.
• The real reason: You are a lot less likely to say, "What the heck kind of name is 'Albus'?!" when you are actually holding my child in your arms. People seem less likely to be mean when the deed is done. I guess it's kind of like that expression: "It's easier to ask forgiveness, than permission."
• Which leads me to a new point. When told the name, I am not asking you if you like it, I'm telling you the name. This is an easier point to get across when the baby is present.

There is one final reason that I won't tell people the name, but this will continue after he is born, so I will take a moment to tell you my feelings about this particular topic.

• After telling them the name, people always ask: "What are you going to call him?"

I AM GOING TO CALL HIM BY HIS NAME!!!!!!!

Why do you think I am naming him that? I wouldn't name him "Albus Dumbledore Jones" if I didn't plan on calling him "Albus." If I want to call him "Dumby," I will name him "Dumby." This question only makes sense if I am naming him Jason Junior, because, then his name would be very similar to mine, and it would be nice to have something to clear up the confusion.

Now, if you are asking what his nickname would be, I don't know. Nicknames aren't pre-meditated, they are inspired, given because of a circumstance or memory associated with the person being nicknamed. I haven't met "Albus" so I have no circumstances or memories associated with him, with which to nickname him.

A brief side note: It is possible that a nickname can be pre-meditated when it is a shortened version of the original, like the aforementioned "Dumby." Sometimes, people will call me "J" or "Jace." My brother is known as "JJ," the initials for his name-Jeremy John.

One thing that bothers me a bit about this: Shortening something that has already been shortened, or something that is already short. I wanted to create a link to a clip from the movie Yes Man here, but the clip isn't on Youtube already, and I'm not putting it there. The clip goes as follows**:

Carl (Jim Carrey):
Okay, Norm.

Norman:
You called me Norm, that's short for Norman. That's great. Can I call you "Car"

Carl:
Well Carl is pretty short already, but sure.

It's funnier if you actually see it, but it makes my point. There is a small group of people out there who like to call my brother "J." His name, as I've noted, is Jeremy, and we call him JJ as a nickname. How freakin' lazy are you that you can't say JJ? We already took the multi-syllabic Jeremy and made it so much easier. It's the same sound repeated one time, you don't have to take a breath between the sounds, you don't even have to change the position of your mouth, you just made the sound, now do it again, it kinda flows really naturally. Try it: "JJ." It's quite simple really, but some people find this to be too difficult. It drives me nuts.

*Albus Dumbledore is an awesome wizard, but even I would think it to be particularly mean to bestow that name on a child.

**The quoted dialogue is not an exact quote.

Congratulations Graduates, Friends.

As you walked away from me toward your graduation ceremony, my heart was filled with the pride of a father, hoping that I did enough to help you on your journey; and the awe of an inspired younger brother, anxiously waiting to follow in your footsteps.